The Fourth Commandment—“Honour your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12)—marks a turning point in the Ten Commandments. It shifts our attention from our duties toward God to our responsibilities toward others, beginning with the family. This commandment lays the foundation for human relationships, social harmony, and the moral development of every person.

The Foundation of Family and Society

Honouring our parents isn’t merely about obedience or tradition. It is about recognising the God-given role of parents as co-creators, nurturers, and first educators. The family is the first place where we learn love, trust, forgiveness, and faith. It is in the home that we are first taught how to relate to others—with respect, honesty, and responsibility.

This commandment also contains a promise:
“…that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” (Exodus 20:12)

The well-being of a society depends on the health of its families. When children are brought up with love, discipline, and faith, they grow to become strong citizens, good neighbours, and faithful Christians. When families disintegrate or values are not passed on, society begins to crumble from within.

From the Home to the Nation

The Fourth Commandment is not just about the home—it shapes how we live as members of society. Children who learn to honour their parents also tend to respect others in authority: teachers, elders, law, and community leaders.

This is why the Church teaches that this commandment applies not only to the parent-child relationship, but also to our duty to the wider family, society, Church, and nation (cf. CCC 2199–2200).

Strong families build strong nations. A generation raised with gratitude, discipline, and compassion will naturally seek justice, uphold moral values, and be ready to serve others, not just self.

Thus, this commandment is the first commandment with a promise—not just for individual blessing, but for the long-term flourishing of communities and nations.

What About Difficult Family Situations?

Not all families are ideal. Some people carry the wounds of a painful or dysfunctional upbringing. Parents may have been absent, abusive, negligent, or emotionally distant. In such cases, what does it mean to “honour” them?

The Church does not demand blind obedience or emotional denial. To “honour” is not the same as to “approve” or “imitate.” It is about acknowledging the dignity of the relationship and seeking to respond with charity, even if reconciliation is not possible.

Ways to honour parents in difficult situations may include:

• Praying for them

• Letting go of resentment

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Speaking truth with love

• Showing mercy, where possible

Forgiveness does not erase the past but frees us from its grip. God sees and knows the pain that some carry. He honours those who strive to forgive, even when honouring is a struggle.

The Blessing of Obedience

Obedience has often been misunderstood as weakness. But in the Christian life, obedience is a pathway to wisdom, peace, and maturity.

In the early years, children are called to obey their parents in the Lord (Ephesians 6:1), trusting their guidance. As they grow older, obedience matures into respect, care, and gratitude, even as they make their own decisions. For elderly parents, honouring may mean supporting them emotionally, financially, or physically.

Obedience also teaches us how to obey God—not out of fear, but out of love. It cultivates humility and trust in authority rightly exercised. And when lived with a free and loving heart, obedience opens the door to many spiritual blessings.

The promise attached to this commandment—“that it may go well with you and that you may live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:3)—reminds us that obedience brings order, peace, and joy, not only in families but in our souls and in society.

A Commandment that Still Makes Sense

In today’s world, many young people move out early or are encouraged to “find their own way.” Independence is a good and natural part of growth. But independence should never mean indifference.

The Fourth Commandment reminds us that our duty to our parents never disappears—it evolves. Whether near or far, children are called to stay connected, support their parents in their old age, and preserve a spirit of gratitude.

In turn, parents are called to raise their children with love, patience, and Christian witness. They are not owners of their children but stewards of a life entrusted by God. Their role is not to control, but to form their children into free and faithful adults.

Conclusion

The Fourth Commandment is about relationships, responsibilities, and reverence. It is God’s way of reminding us that family matters—that the love we receive and the love we give begins at home but doesn’t stop there.

To honour father and mother is to build a culture of life, love, and legacy, where every person is valued and every generation prepared to bless the next.